Mission: ?

Mission: living with glory
Status: complete.
Everything was better than it was for the incident. I keep making friends and I decided to move up to three honors classes. Amanda is out of my life ;).
Next mission: music
I’m not sure how ill do it but it will be done. My dreams of being an artist WILL come true.
Ill update soon. Xx
Always and forever sincere,
And 🙂

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First.

I told my parents that I had homework on my laptop, so they would actually give me it for a little. I don’t have a lot of time so I apologize in advance- this is going to be poorly written.
Okay so when I went to school I went in with butterflies in my stomach and a positive attitude. Everything was going great, I talked to some people in my classes. And I found out that Eva and Abby were in my classes and Mason’s other friends Rob and Chris that I briefly met at the party. Everything was going great but I couldn’t find Mason anywhere and I was disappointed he wasn’t in any of my classes. And the lunch came. I was planning to just sit with the girls and look around with Mason but I still couldn’t find it and I couldn’t text him because I got my phone taken away again. I asked where he was a couple of times and everybody just looked away and just said “I don’t know”.
Then about half way through lunch after Eva, Abby, and Lacey told me some gossip Amanda comes and stands next to me. She put her elbow on the table and started me in the face. It was really awkward and I was waiting for her to leave but after about 3 minutes I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Can I help you?” I said, it was surprising to hear those words come out of my house because I haven’t been pissed off at anyone in a while.
“How’s Mason?,”
“Not sure, have you seen hi-”
“And Chris? Slut.” She interrupted me.
“What are you talking about? You’re crazy.”
“Amanda. Please.” Lacey budded in.
“Stay out of it Lacey. Don’t take sides.”
Chris came over and pulled me away. In the halls.
“Fuck. I should have told you…” He said.
“Told me what?” I said both concerned and frightened.
“While you were drunk and dancing, and Amanda was being a clingy bitch to Mason, I came to the party late.” He paused.
I gulped. I didn’t want to know what Mason and Amanda did. I didn’t want to get slapped in the face and have my fantasy and infatuation end so soon.
“I had no idea that you and Mason were together. We shouldn’t have hooked up. I know you don’t remember. But everyone else involved seems to.”
“What?!” I screamed.
“What do you mean what..? Didn’t Mason say something to you?”
“Uh. No- he uh- he wasn’t talked to me. ” tears started coming down my face.
Then the bell ring and I just speed walked to my class. I couldn’t focus at all and it usually would have been embarrassing when I said “I don’t know” to answer questions like “where are you from?” But right now it didn’t even matter.
I snuck out last night when my parents were on date night and I payed my sister to keep her mouth shut. I went to the only place I thought I could find Mason, since I don’t know where he lives. I went to his hiding place. The place where I knew I was in love with him. The place where I fell and he kept me from crashing. But it felt like now he wasn’t there to shelter me from the darkness that had come from that beautiful moment and now a memory.
When I got there I stood in front of the building and I wasn’t sure if I could go up there. I sat of a bench outside and I started making marks in the snow with my boots and started crying. Just when I was getting sleepy-
“This is why I never showed anybody before.” I heard from across the street. There he was with his black Vespa. I’ve never wanted to run up to somebody and hug them so much. But I couldn’t cry in his arms. He wouldn’t hold me.
“I’m sorry.” I said quietly because it felt like the lump in my throat was so big that I couldn’t even speak. So I just walked up across the street.
“I should’ve told you how I really felt. When we were here, it was just you and me, nothing else mattered. No memory influenced that moment and future was irrelevant. Our worlds stopped spinning and went off on a tangent together, while everyone else’s went on. I would never be able to share that with anyone else. I can never relive that moment. We were new and so were the feelings, but the company of your full attentive soul felt so old. That will never happen to me again. And I know that in my whole body because you’re my last first. You’re my last first kiss, my last first hand I hold, my last first love. I love you.” I paused thinking i couldnt go on but i had too. “What I did wasn’t any of that. It wasn’t a true kiss, it wasn’t the comforting attention I had on his soul. It wasn’t you. All I want is you and if you don’t trust me then ill make you. This is so new and I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose you. I will fight for you until the die I can’t do it anymore. I will not listen to you tell me that we cannot be while you listen to my suffering cries because all I know inside of you, is where your suffering cries are. You’re the only thing in my life that could i feel this way about. The only thing that is all mine. And I know you love me ba-”
And once again I was interrupted but it wasn’t my the stinging words but by Masons lips kissing my tears on my lips.
“All I needed was ‘I love you’. I love you too, Andrea.”
I just smiled and cried some more and nodded my head like a doofus and kissed him again and the picked me up and span me around.
“I want to take you somewhere I haven’t shown you yet.”
We rode in his Vespa, a little closer to the city and then turned into a driveway and stopped at a huge baroque gate. He swiped a key card and then it opened. I had no clue what was going on.
“Who lives here?”
“The Whites.” (White is his last name)
“You.. You… Live here?!”
He laughed and introduced me to his housekeeper Linda as she greeted him to the door. He didn’t show me the rest of his house. He said that was for another time. He probably just wanted to get to the point- it would’ve took and hour to get through the while house.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs to another level. Then we came to another set of stairs and he carried me in his arms and looked at me and smiled and then brought us up the stairs. I couldn’t help but giggle. I felt like a little girl whose dreams of being a princess were coming through.
We came into an eclectic bedroom that didn’t match the rest of the house. The walls were gray and red and there were signed posters of bands and pictures from all around the world next to a map with push pins stuck in it. There were vintage and modern furniture and knickknacks laid on them. There was recording equipment, microphones, amps, and every piece if general instrument you could think of. But before I could really take it all in, he lay me down on the center of the white king size bed that was sticking out of a giant window looking over the city and his garden in the yard. We began kissing as he gently hovered over me and I started unbuttoning his polo. He stopped for a moment and ripped it off over his head and threw it on the ground. His stomach was cut like a modest washed board. We flipped and I went on top of him and he pulled my shirt over my head. He unleashed my bra after a couple of minutes and we flipped again. He started kissing my neck to my collar bones and then done my chest and waist and then gently unbuttoned my jeans. He took off the rest of clothes and moved back up to my inner upper thigh. I pulled on his jeans and unbuttoned them also he paused laughed and looked at me and I started laughing too. He was gone for a minute and I was waiting underneath the covers for him. He came back in the same state as he was before and went under the covers with me and started kissing my neck and down my body again and climbed on top and gently intertwined our bodies as one.
It was incredible, Making love to someone you love so much and you never want to lose is amazing. There’s no way for me to describe it but you’ll have to see for yourself one day. I hope you make the right decision and wait until you love the other one first.
Anyways, it’s hard to shy away from that subject, I could talk about it forever. I’m grounded because I ended getting home at 2am and my parents were up waiting for me.

Today, everything went as I hoped it would go on the first day of school. I just went home and started a new song.
Always and Forever sincere,
And 🙂

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Needs explaining.

I’m sorry I haven’t written about today. I had a terrible day. It was a good first day of school though-until Amanda aka fully charged bitch came up to me at lunch in school. Ill explain later. Anyways, I got my phone taken away and just stole it back.
Mason is avoiding me too. Now i have an idea why. Well accept until 12 am today. But the girls aren’t. But Lacey can’t really talk to me because Amanda is her best friend.
I’m going to keep my head up high and wipe these tears off my face. I need to be fearless and indestructible.
Hope you’re all doing lovely.
Always and forever sincere,
And 🙂

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Teenage Spirit and happy 2013!

How does everything work out so well for someone like me? There must be a catch. Whatever, I’m going to ignore that and enjoy this moment :).
As you can probably tell, yesterday was AMAZING. I met up with Mason at Starbucks. We sat for an hour just talking about lives and our stories. I told him how I wasn’t really anyone in my old town and how I was crushed when my grandma died. I told him all my surgeries when I was little to get my hearing back and it’s a miracle because music got me through my darkest days. Which I talked about those too. I told him about my dad cheating on my mom and how I didn’t tell her until one day we were on vacation and then she ran away for a few days and my sister nearly killed herself. I told him everything. But I wasn’t forced too. And the thing is- he WANTED to listen. I left out my new theory of a new life and my dreams though. He probably would have got scared.
But then when he started talking about his life I was amazed. He travels the world all the time to volunteer for places that are some of the most poorest in the world. He takes martial arts because he has a fear of getting attacked. He actually had to use it once on someone who tried to mug him. He also talked about his dark days and how that’s when he realized that he loves to sing and play drums. He said that his parents are divorced but its rough because he knows that they secretly date each other and he should hate his mom for terrible reasons but he can’t and he still loves both of his parents. He doesn’t feel bad for himself at all. He’s thoughtful and thinks in other people’s perspectives. Ugh he’s just perfect. Everything about him.
Anyways, after that he said “okay come on let’s go” and I was really confused. He ended up showing me his favorite places in his favorite parks like where you can see everything and everyone from a little bench that no one sits on. He showed me restaurants with people who knew his name when he walked in and he didn’t hesitate to introduce me, it seems like he couldn’t wait to do so actually. He took me to all the places in the city where he used to live and the most significant moments that happened in them. After all that, we went to the train station and I got so confused.
“Where are we going?” I said concerned.
“To my hiding spot.”
When we got there after a short ride we walked to a very rich neighborhood but it was still in the city. We stopped in front of  a charming apartment building.
He held both my hands at the stoop in front of me and looked into my eyes and said “you’re the first person I’ve ever shown this to. You have to swear that you won’t show anyone.”
I smiled a bit but I was so truly happy that I didn’t say anything and I just held out my pinky and he broke his seriousness and held my pinky as he cracked a cute smile.
He brought me up the stairs, still holding one of my hands.
“What are we doing?!”
“Shh!” He giggled and put his hands softly over my lips.
I repeated my self in a whisper and he told me that I’ll “see”.
We got to a rooftop that only had a tiny pathway shoved out in the snow… So it seemed rather abandoned. It was so gorgeous though. There were trees and pushes and Christmas lights above like drapes. It was like paradise in this cd city. At the end there was a bench that was pushed up against the edge of the building.
“Holy shit…you can see everything up here.”
“I know.”
“I feel so invisible this is amazing.”
We sat in silence for I have no idea how long. The only thing I knew was that I was smiling like an idiot.
I realized that he wasn’t paying attention either so I was so happy that he didn’t see my smile like that.. I just looked at him and slid my hand into his and at that moment all the street lights turned on and it was perfect timing. He slowly turned to me and it started lightly snowing. He went from looking at my eyes to my hair to my facial features and I was looking into his eyes the whole time. I smiled and said “What are you doing?” He then looked at my lips and I stopped smiling and looked at his and he gently leaned in and we kissed.
It wasn’t like any kiss I’ve ever had before. “In that moment we were infinite” from Perks was all I can think about. It was so accurate and I felt like in that moment was the beginning of my life.
I don’t know how long we kissed for but I remember the sweet music that we shared with my headphones during the time. But apparently it was long enough because I got a call from my parents asking where I was because it was two hours after sundown. So, we went back and he dropped me off at my apartment and we sat and talked for about ten more minutes.
“You’re not like any other girl I’ve ever experienced.”
“And you’re not like any other guy. I feel different with you. Thank you. You’ve changed me already and I’ve just met you.”
He smiled a big genuine smile that ill remember forever and that was enough of a response. “Will you go to a party with me?”
“Of course!” I was literally so excited because I’ve never really been to a cool party and I feel like all parties in the city are cool. This also meant I could meet more people!
He proceeded to tell me when he was going to pick me up. I went inside and talked to my mom about him just like I’m doing to you now. My mom smiled and she told me that it sounds like the story of her and my father. She gave me the charm bracelet he gave her a few months after they met when he told her he loved her.
I started to get ready and I decided I wanted to impress Mason. It’s nice to have someone to look good for. I realized that I know everything about him but his age, his school, and where he lives.
But, the question was answered when he showed up with a black Vespa scooter. I met him outside after he texted me and I was shocked. I actually blurted out “holy shit how old are you?!” I almost tripped off the sidewalk. He laughed and said “don’t worry my birthday was last month. I’m sixteen,” I was so realized then he said “wait how old are you?!” My fifteenth birthday is next month. “ahh, you’re a little nugget aren’t you?” He teased before giving me a nuggie and reaching around to grab a helmet for me.
The ride was beautiful but silent and I just got lost in train of thought.
We got to a very nice apartment, like the one we went to before but closer and in was more urban and in the center of the city. We walked in around 8 and he told me we were early this was his best friends house and that we would probably have to help set up. I didn’t mind though, I brought “party favors” aka a bottle of Skyy and a little mj stash my friend gave me before I moved. I was never much of a partier, I’ve only been drunk/high a couple of times with my friends on the beach over the summer. And once when I was in my dark days. He looked at my and he said “ooh gettin rebellious now?” I decides I love when he teases like the way he does. I said “no I think you just need to get on my level.” He laughed and took off my helmet because my hands were full and he gave me gentle kiss on my lips but then I grabbed him in closer for a longer kiss. I felt so good. I felt so superior to myself a week ago. I was wearing a long sleeve lace bodycon dress and a jean best and leather studded boots. He didn’t tell me good I looked though, because it just wasn’t his type.
We walked in and he introduced me to the few people that were there and people as they walked in. His friends are awesome is all I can say. For an hour or so when there were about 50 people there I talked to them and they asked general questions about me and I asked them general questions about life and we shared a laugh and it doesn’t sound fun but it was. I was being social and I clicked with everybody at the party. I the most time talking to Mason’s girl friends; Lacey, Abby, and Eva. Lacey is 16 like Mason and she said they grew up together. She’s girly with blonde hair and brown eyes and shes short and adorable. She was wearing a blue bow which looked amazing with her soft curls and she had on pumps which didn’t really make her seem much taller, and a pink dress. Eva was the hilarious one who was also a freshman and she’s asian and she has black hair and she was wearing a casual outfit with a blazer. Abby was 17 and shes Lacey’s sister. But they’re opposites. She was wearing a leather skirt and a band tee and vans. They’re AMAZING. We share so much in common and then they told me embarrassing stories about him and it was so great. They talked to me about sweet things they’re boyfriends had done. They gave me advice for school and what doesn’t fly and what does fly with people here. They said they loved me and its nice to have a newbie.
More and more people showed up and I got nervous so I asked the girls if they wanted to get a drink. Eva said yes and I guess Abby and Lacey’s parents are extremely strict so they were scared to drink.
“I have to tell you something that I can’t really say in front of them..” She said to me. “Lacey’s best friend is Masons ex. They dated last winter for a few months and they’re break up was really rough. Stay away and don’t listen to anything she says.”
“Who is she?”
She looked around to find the girl and then got wide eyed. “That one. Her name is Amanda.”
“Oh shit. Don’t worry I can handle her.” I said sarcastically and I knew I could because I’m so high up I wouldn’t let anyone knock me down.
Anyways, we took 1 shot each and then grabbed spiked punch. Eva seems loyal because she stayed with me until Amanda went away.
Mason walked up to me and smiled and kissed my forehead. I didn’t want to seem fake because this Amanda thing was kind of bothering me.
“Eva told me about Amanda.”
“Fuck. Don’t worry about it. She’s just crazy about my life. She thinks there’s a hope for us to get back together or something. I should have never slept with her.”
“You.. Had sex?” I said innocent and nervously.
“Uh.. Yeah. It was a mistake I thought I loved her. But don’t worry. My therapist helped me through my relationship issues and its like we never happened. Promise.” He looked down and then held out his pinky and with his face still down, his eyes looked at me. I smirked and held his pinky and everything was okay again.
We talked like normal and then I realized that there was about 200 people in this house and everyone was dancing. Strip by Chris Brown came on and I whispered sexually “I want to show you something.” I’m secretly an amazing dancer.. I mean in the grinding body moving way if you know what I mean…
After a couple songs he grabbed me closer and we danced against each other slowly and we starting making out. It felt so good to know that he wanted to show me off.
“Rob has a guest bedroom he said.” Rob and his older brother are the hosts of the party.
I just bit my lip and he pulled my hand to the room. We could hear the noise of the party out of the door but it was just us two in the room like no one else was there. We started kissing passionately for a while and he is the.best.kisser (I’ve only kissed two other guys though). I ended up on top of him with the top of my dress pulled down and we almost made it to third base when he stopped me.
“Let’s go back to the party.” I said. It was a mutual decision to stop because we knew we didn’t want to go to fast- we weren’t even official yet. He walked to the door and I was sitting in the best putting my sleeves back on and he through me my vest.
“You’re a perfect ten by the way” he said and winked at me, half jokily.
“You’re not too bad yourself babe.”I joked back. He gave me another nuggie and kissed once more before going back. We were gone for about half an hour I guess because everyone was getting wasted and I was about 11:30 now. We took another shot or two, I didn’t keep count because I didn’t eat much that day so I was already beyond buzzed. Then Rob and Mason’s other friend Chris came over and talked to us. They’re really cool, they didn’t ask me many questions like where I was from and stuff but we had real conversation about music and the party. Then I kind of got lost in their bro talk and I saw the girls dancing on the table so I crept away and went with them. At midnight me and Mason kissed and took a shot. But after that I don’t remember much. All I know is that I woke up to the smell of bacon in someone’s home that wasn’t mine or Chris’s at 11am today. I panicked and then Eva came in with Lacey and said “morning party girl.” I ignored it and said ” oh fuck. My parents.”
“Don’t worry. My mom called your mom and said that you fell asleep on Chris’s couch last night and that you could just stay here. It’s cool my mom is clueless she actually thought that’s what happened.” Eva said.
“Oh my God your mom is my hero.” I said and then we just sat and laughed about last night and talked girl talk. It’s comforting having friends here. I got picked up a couple hours later and told my parents that it was awesome and I made new friends and danced last night.
I really hope 2013 is good to me. I feel like it will be. I’m so happy with myself I can’t put it into words.
I haven’t talked to Mason all day and I’m not sure why. But I’ll see him at school tomorrow. UGH school tomorrow.. Wish me luck!
Always and forever sincere,
And 🙂

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I think I’M IN LOVE.

This boy is seriously perfect. He’s shy and conscious but manly and he made sarcastic remarks like I was close to him but they were playful and flirty.We talked for 3 hours yesterday! I would talk about the context of the conversations that we had, but those didn’t matter as much as what I got out of them. I got a feeling of comfort and lust and a high that is so new.

Tomorrow we are going to hang out. I’m not whether to call it a date or not- but I’m still PSYCHED!!!!! I hope it goes well because all he told me was that he’s going to “show me around”. I’m meeting him at Starbucks at 10am tomorrow and I really don’t think he meant he’s going to show me around a Starbucks..

Oh yeah, I also got a call from my friend Becca from back “home” (quotations are needed because in my mind that place is a shit hole) this morning. She’s one of my best friends- the only one who has actually been a good friend. She asked me the general questions and I thought it was going to be annoying, because I was expecting these questions when I found out we were moving  But, it was actually really nice to tell someone about my new life. I actually kind of miss her and I started crying when we hung up.

At dinner my parents decided to surprise me with a new phone! I have an iPhone now which is exciting so I can feel like I’m “in”. Plus I had a terrible phone before.

My life is really exciting right now and I hope it stays this way. Sorry this wasn’t that interesting.

Always and forever sincere,

And 🙂

P.S. I wrote this yesterday but I forgot to publish it. I’m going to meet up with Mason soon!

Exciting

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Mason and Al <3

I’m having high hopes on a new life for myself. My infatuation with life is bringing me on a mental journey.
Not only mentally, actually, but physically. After I finally unpacked my furniture and found my clothes in what felt like mountains of clothing, I took my first walk outside alone since my grandma passed away.
I went to explore what was around me in this urban jungle. I mostly found restaurants that a teenager couldn’t afford, except for a Denny’s and Starbucks, a couple name brand shops, a piano store, a Barnes and Noble, and just when I was about to give up hope on my search for a new hangout spot, I found it. My new haven. Al’s music shop. This place is amazing. It has all the bands I like and more, and music supplies for instruments and records and a vintage section. There was only a few people in the store, and they all seemed disconnected so I didn’t realize anyone special. As I was losing time in exploring all over the store, I accidentally tripped over what I thought was my own foot- which I didn’t think much of because I’m so clumsy that this happens about four times a day in public.
So, I grabbed my bag off the floor and got up but then I realized there was a person towering over me. I looked up in shock. And the shock wasn’t because there was a person there… The shock was from how gorgeous this boy was.
He was wearing skinny khakis and a black collared shirt with embroidered “Al’s Music” lettering and a name tag that said “MASON”. His arms clearly showed he liked working out. His jawline was perfect and sharp. His eyes were a mysterious green like an ocean a storm or maybe a forest after rain.. i don’t know but you get my point.
His hair was swayed a bit to the right and it was a blonde-red mix and it was cut in the perfect length. His eye brows and lips were big but modelesque to top it off.
“You forgot to use your eyes” he said sarcastically.
“Uh, sorry.”
“It’s all good.”
I almost walked away as I felt a ping of consciousness- or maybe it was the butterflies in my stomach that I always get because I’m a believer in love at first sight- telling me to turn around. I remembered that I was going to change who I was and this journey was goon to happen.
“I’m Andrea. I just moved here, this place is really cool.”
“Where from?” He said after a short pause. I thought he wasn’t going to say anything because he was busy pricing items.
We carried on our conversation for a bit then he told me when he got off his shift and told me we should “hang” sometime. I nervously asked for his number and I guess my voice sounded nervous because he let out a cute but wildly attractive giggle and took out a pen and wrote it on my arm.
As I walked home, I put in my headphones and started daydreaming. Daydreaming about what my life would be like pretty soon. I’m so happy in this moment and I hope it’s not just infatuation.
After dinner I’m going to call him and talk about God knows what. If it goes as well as many of the scenarios in my head, we’ll be dating and hooking up right away….. But I would highly doubt that.
Ill check in soon.
Always and forever sincere,
And 🙂

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Hello world.

It’s quite strange for my family to do what they’ve done.

Yesterday, we up and left all that we’ve ever known. To the big, unknown city we go. We used to live in a small, rich, suburban town where all the kids felt bad for themselves. Maybe because they all hated who they were. But that wasn’t me.
My whole life was in that town. Although I hated it there, it’s still a bitter feeling to leave. Not that it’s also sweet.. I was a nobody. I had a few friends, not any of which I was expecting to stay in contact with after high school. Now, I have a chance to experience happiness. The happiness that you see in teens in movies set in the city- which is where I’m moving to now. I hope to find new life and new hope. You could call it my glory days I guess. I’m not looking for a permanent life change, just a different attitude with different friends. I just want to feel cool. And to not care. I want to be that girl that people look at and want to be like. But I’m not ignorant, don’t get me wrong, I have good intentions.
You may hate me or you may love me; but please stay with me in this journey into the unknown. Help me stay sane and experience change with me.
Always and forever sincere,
And 🙂 (Andrea, if you’re wondering.)

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